The tomb of Penelope Boothby, age 5.
When I was five, my aunt sent me letter I'll never forget. It was a loving letter, but a sad story. It began like this:
Now I'm going to tell you the story of little Penelope Boothby. I met her last week when I was traveling about the country with Granny and Grandpa visiting very old and famous English churches. At least, I didn't exactly meet her. She's been dead for almost 200 years, you see.
Poor little Penelope was only 5 years old when she died. She was apparently very pretty and very clever. Her parents were very proud of her. Too proud, in fact. They wanted her to see and do and learn everything. At the age of 5 she could speak, as well as English, Italian, French and Latin. Well, it was all too much for her. She just lay down and died. Isn't that a sad story? But she looks very peaceful and happy in the picture, curled up and fast asleep. And that, my dear, is the story of Penelope Boothby. The End.
She enclosed a postcard showing the chiseled form of Penelope on her tomb and copied out the tomb inscription: "She was in form and intellect most exquisite. The unfortunate parents ventured their all on this frail bark, and the wreck was total." (Ashbourne, England, 1791)
As a child I spent hours gazing at the forlorn form of Penelope and thinking about her story. For one thing, I felt very grown up to receive such a letter. But I was also intrigued because it didn't have a happy ending.
Life sometimes doesn't.
Kids need all kinds of stories. Not just the kind where everything ties up neatly and everyone is rich and comfortable and lives joyfully ever after. We need to share sad stories, tragic stories, real stories, too. The story of Penelope touched my heart. Thinking about her made me want to meet her and invent new endings. It made me a bit more human.
Kids books are getting happier these days. They're changing the endings and removing conflict. Chicken Little doesn't get eaten by a fox anymore -- he goes home safely to live with his friends. But we need sad stories in the mix, and we need to have the courage to share them with young children. Stories that make us think, ponder and touch our heart.
What sad stories do you remember from childhood? What impact did they have? Why do you think we need sad stories?
Heather - Another post that offers delicious food for thought. So much so that I just Tweeted and Google+'d it.
You asked about sad stories from childhood...
We were a family that adopted "unadoptable" animals from shelters because they were either missing a limb, an eye, completely blind, or had significant health issues. During the adoption process we usually learned the story behind what had happened.
What kind of an impact did that have on me? I believe those experiences are in great part what makes me compassionate and helps me to love "in spite of" rather than "because of."
Thanks for sharing your wonderful story about caring for "unadopatable" animals. Wow! I can see that made a lifelong impression. Yes, important for us humans to expand our view and think about animals' stories, too.
We lost our first baby boy to leukemia so our son and daughter are growing up knowing about their angel brother, the fragility of life, the reality of death and the knowledge that love and family are so important. But at the same time we don't dwell on his death and we remember his living spirit that is part of the family. I tell my children real life stories that are sad and they have read some themselves. But I think it is very important to balance these stories with ones filled with hope and joy, silliness and happiness. You don't want to weigh a child down with "survivor's guilt," or give them a depressed view of reality. Everything in moderation! 🙂
My heart goes out to you on the loss of your son. It sounds as if you have struck a marvelous balance in incorporating your first child's life story into your family life. I agree - moderation and the courage to share all feelings together is so important - sad, silly, and every feeling in between. Bravo! Your children are growing up in a very loving and accepting environment.
Thank you Heather.
Well said, Heather. I think we've created a society that has a strange combination of protecting children from reality on one hand, and allowing them to be desensitized to death and violence through virtual entertainment on the other. I think we disrespect our children when we act like they can't handle the hard parts of life. Of course, as a Christian I also believe that there is life on the other side of death, and that the sad ending doesn't have to be the last word, so I think that part of the story needs to be told as well. Thanks for your insights! - JP
Interesting insight, Jim. Yes, it is an odd combination when we overprotect, yet at the same time show so much violent entertainment. You're right, it is a basic level of respect. Talking about death also gives us a chance to share our personal thoughts and beliefs about death with children. It opens the conversation. Thanks for your comment!