I remember when I first saw someone walking down the street with a cell phone to their ear. It was a remarkable sight, and not that long ago. Now what’s remarkable is seeing someone who’s NOT got a device attached in every day life.
As parents, we worry about how much screen time our children should have. What exactly they’re watching on the screen, and what they’re missing out (outside time, creative play, exercise, etc.). It’s true, we need to give this deliberate thought.
But who is limiting parents’ screen time?
Children yearn for attention. In the past, direct competition for attention in a family most often came from other siblings. Kids also have to compete for attention with jobs, caregiving for ailing grandparents, or parents’ board committees and activities that take them away from home. But the biggest competitor of all is the Screen. The smart phone, ipad, laptop, or other must-be-tethered-to digital device.
You see it in the park: Parents texting while their child says “Mom, look!” You see it at restaurants: Parents scrolling through screens at dinner. You see it at school pick up times: Parents still talking on their phones while glancing down to make sure they’ve got the right child – no smiles, no big welcoming ‘hellos.’
Computers and young children don’t mix for me. The screen steals my vision and my focus. Even if it’s a small computer “chore” the screen requires my attention. My peripheral vision shuts down. My awareness of what’s going on around me vanishes. I don’t like the social impact screens have on my ability to relate to my family, so I relegate computer time to times my children are asleep or at school.
I also hate to be tethered and “on call” to a constant flow of messages. To write and think and thrive, I need plenty of space and time. My brain works better that way. I feel more settled. Creative ideas pop up. I can give people around me true attention.
Children have never been raised before by Parents-on-Screens. Studies are coming out now that look at the vast impact, such as Harvard’s Catherine Steiner-Adair, author of the Big Disconnect and this recent story from NPR.
As we seek a way to navigate screens with our parenting, we must not focus only on our child’s screen habits. How is our screen use drawing our families together or pulling them apart? How are screens impacting our relationship with our partners? What are exactly are we modeling?
Share your stories – have you seen kids competing against screens for attention? Do you feel your screen use is impinging on your real-life family relationships? What are your tips for keeping digital device use in check?
