Kids need our attention - and the competition is fierce.
I remember when I first saw someone walking down the street with a cell phone to their ear. It was a remarkable sight, and not that long ago. Now what's remarkable is seeing someone who's NOT got a device attached in every day life.
As parents, we worry about how much screen time our children should have. What exactly they're watching on the screen, and what they're missing out (outside time, creative play, exercise, etc.). It's true, we need to give this deliberate thought.
But who is limiting parents' screen time?
Children yearn for attention. In the past, direct competition for attention in a family most often came from other siblings. Kids also have to compete for attention with jobs, caregiving for ailing grandparents, or parents' board committees and activities that take them away from home. But the biggest competitor of all is the Screen. The smart phone, ipad, laptop, or other must-be-tethered-to digital device.
You see it in the park: Parents texting while their child says "Mom, look!" You see it at restaurants: Parents scrolling through screens at dinner. You see it at school pick up times: Parents still talking on their phones while glancing down to make sure they've got the right child - no smiles, no big welcoming 'hellos.'
Computers and young children don't mix for me. The screen steals my vision and my focus. Even if it's a small computer "chore" the screen requires my attention. My peripheral vision shuts down. My awareness of what's going on around me vanishes. I don't like the social impact screens have on my ability to relate to my family, so I relegate computer time to times my children are asleep or at school.
I also hate to be tethered and "on call" to a constant flow of messages. To write and think and thrive, I need plenty of space and time. My brain works better that way. I feel more settled. Creative ideas pop up. I can give people around me true attention.
Children have never been raised before by Parents-on-Screens. Studies are coming out now that look at the vast impact, such as Harvard's Catherine Steiner-Adair, author of the Big Disconnect and this recent story from NPR.
As we seek a way to navigate screens with our parenting, we must not focus only on our child's screen habits. How is our screen use drawing our families together or pulling them apart? How are screens impacting our relationship with our partners? What are exactly are we modeling?
Share your stories - have you seen kids competing against screens for attention? Do you feel your screen use is impinging on your real-life family relationships? What are your tips for keeping digital device use in check?
I think the electronic distractions will get worse until it gets so pervasive that it becomes "cool" to not be attached to an electronic device. Unfortunately, our kids will suffer because they'll learn to behave by watching Mom and Dad. And when the kids have children of their own, their children might rebel against their parents completely ignoring them because they're a slave to their devices.
I only hope we don't become a world of zombies wandering around with our eyes glued to a screen.
My only tip is that real life is not what you see on a screen! Put it away and look at the beautiful scenery instead of videoing it with your cell phone! Bend over and smell the flowers instead of googling roses on Wikipedia to find out what they smell like. Attend a concert in the park in your town and listen to a live band rather than check the latest one-hit wonder out on YouTube.
Chris
Hear, hear!
I still don't have a smartphone for this reason. It's too hard to parent while being that distracted. And, I'll admit that I'm just as addicted to the Internet as everyone else.
There are so many emotional/educational/social development reasons to not be on a cell phone when you're with your children, BUT what gets me the most is how unsafe it is.
We live in a region surrounded by water and everywhere I go I see parents with small children, near water, distracted by their cell phones. You see it so much, it hardly even registers in your brain that it shouldn't be done, but when a two-year-old wanders into a boat ramp with a car backing down, and nobody notices, it is just terrifying. I'm hoping there comes a day when beaches and other public water access areas have signs posting about the dangers of phones and kids.
Of course, this is not just limited to water. The just-walking toddler on the top of the jungle gym makes me cringe just as much.
But, I shouldn't just write about it here. I should do something about it!
Thanks for your thoughtful post. "It's too hard to parent while being that distracted." Parenting requires a lot of multi-tasking as it is, devices can make our patience and thinking skills even more fragmented.
Beaches and phones - yes, that is a new danger. Thanks for pointing it out.