3 Things Children are Missing

Making time to be with nature is one of the missing ingredients in many children's lives.

My kids got to bed too late last night. Sure, it was 7:30pm and 8:50pm, but that's too late to meet their sleep needs. Even half an hour of sleep deprivation makes a huge difference for children's learning, memory, behavior and happiness.

This got me thinking about what we routinely deprive our children of. What's missing in their lives. What's truly important that we need to make more time for in family life.

Lack of Nature

Nature is the best, oldest and most imaginative toy - the possibilities to play with mud, sticks, trees, boulders and pine cones are endless. We all need to connect to the earth in order to be fully human and to care about life on our planet. When a child is emotionally wound up, taking him outside can bring relief. There's something about being outside. If you live near a park or can find a tree, the benefits ratchet up even more. Medical research backs this up - in Japan they've studied the marvelous difference walking in the forest can do to decrease stress and improve health. They call it "forest-bathing."

Teaching healthy sleep habits is among the greatest gifts we can give our children.

Lack of Sleep

Our children are sleep deprived. With early work schedules -- getting kids to before-school-care at 6am -- or even early school bus times, kids ages 4 and older are consistently up too early. And they stay up too late. Some children do not even have bedtimes. Yet kids need enormous amounts of sleep. How much? For preschoolers it's 11-13 hours (including naps) and for school-age kids it's 10-11 hours. For most kids, that means bedtime at 7pm or 8pm. (see The Sleep Foundation)

Achievement-driven America often considers sleep a waste of time, but shortage of sleep harms learning, memory, focus, problem-solving, the immune system and, of course, emotional stability. My friend who's a high school teacher routinely assigns sleep as homework to her students, especially before a test. Those who go to bed earlier (and don't study) get better scores.

Lack of Downtime

Play, staring into space and goofing around are essential. Learning, creativity, imagination, problem-solving, persistence, empathy - all these good things come when kids pursue their own play ideas. While we rush to fill out children's days with "enrichment" activities, we need to remember the enriching ideas already inside our children's minds. Give them respect: time and space to flourish. (Benefits of play article)

The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. - Plutarch

We can kindle it best with nature, sleep and play.

What would you add to this list? How are you doing on getting enough of these three things for your child and yourself? What could you change?

Cut the Interrogation Habit

Which one is the red horse? Who cares? More important learning - use a cow if you run out of horses.

We recently got a new set of blocks for my son. Castle blocks - the kind with painted drawbridges and turrets. He loves all things knights and horses, and so far many towers and dungeons have been built, crashed and tumbled.

What dismayed me was the back of the package.

It's one of those Melissa and Doug toys - sturdy, wooden toys built to last and supposedly in touch with kids and their imaginations. Instead the package label exhorted parents to "Expand your Child's Learning." How? These were the suggestions: ask your child which are the yellow and red blocks, ask your child to count all the tower blocks, ask your child to sort the blocks by type, etc.

That's interrupting play. That's not expanding learning.

If you sit down to play a game of castles or blocks with your child, it should be as a playmate engaged in normal give and take. "Let's make a moat." "Do you need more blocks? Here - you can share mine." "Where should we put the knight?" "You've made a lot of windows."

Of course, adults don't always have time or interest in playing games with kids, and that's absolutely natural. You can still watch and engage your child by making observations "That's a tall tower." "Look at all the horses you have." Or leave them completely alone.

It makes me squirm when I hear adults constantly peppering kids with questions that are largely irrelevant to kids. "Which one is blue? Which one is orange?" "How many ducks are there?" "Where's the circle?" "What letter is this?" Listen carefully next time you hear it or say it yourself.

Colors are not hard. Let kids enjoy colors without being constantly quizzed about them. The same is true for animals, animal noises, counting, days of the week, weather, shapes and more. We seem to fixate on teaching young kids certain vocabulary words but ignore others completely (do we quiz them on which meal comes first, breakfast, lunch or dinner? on the difference between aunts, uncles and grandmas?). Kids are language machines. They pick up so much, constantly, from context and from caring people around them. They figure out on their own that their sister has two more pieces of candy than they do.

Here's some tips to break the quiz habit

Make an observation. "You're using lots of purple in that picture."

Share things you like yourself. "I love the orange and gold leaves on that tree! It's gorgeous today."

Help a child reach her own goal (not yours). "I see you're building a tall tower using lots of blocks. Do you want to make it higher? The blocks are all gone. What could you use?" or "What do you need for your game?"

Expand, don't interrupt. If a child is fully engaged in play she's already learning at her optimal level. Respect what's going on. Pause and ask a relevant question. "What's the king doing up there?" Don't change the subject.

Say nothing at all. Don't interrupt a good thing.

Don't ask a question if you already know the answer. "What does the chicken say?" This helps immensely to avoid power struggles, too, especially with catching kids in "lie traps." "Did you write on the wall?"

Buy toys that are not advertised as "educational." Don't follow the "educational" or "enrichment" instructions on toys. Remember, it's all advertising, designed to make you feel you're not doing enough for your child. Resist!

Read lots, sing songs, live life. Relevant vocabulary is all around us.

Were you quizzed as a kid? Do you remember how you felt about it? Why are we collectively worried that kids won't notice the beautiful colors of life?

Chuck the Calendars

Who cares if it's Monday? Calendars don't belong in preschool classrooms.

While researching my book, I've visited a lot of preschool classrooms. Preschool, pre-K, Young Fives, kindergarten, Montessori, public, private, charter, you name it. I've observed too many to count. One thing I almost always see in each early ed. classroom is an enormous calendar.

This calendar charts the days, month and weather. During morning circle time, the children gather on the rug at their teacher's feet and go over the day's weather, the day of the week, and the day's date. Today they'll be counting to 20.

Calendar time takes center stage each morning in thousands of classrooms. I believe it's misplaced.

I've never known an adult who doesn't know what Monday is. Or a third grader, for that matter.

Grasping the days of the week is not hard, but it takes some growing up to be relevant. Many young kids live in a fog where time is concerned. "Can we play at Mia's house yesterday?" "My spaghetti stew needs to cook for 100 hours." Time and days of the week are vague. That's OK. Young kids function best with time statements like "after nap." Time will settle down in their minds soon enough. Why impose our ordered rows of time on them now?

Go outside if you want kids to notice the weather.

The same is true of most classroom weather charts. Putting the "sunny" picture in the Wednesday slot doesn't teach much. Weather is only relevant to young kids when they are outside in it. So get them outside -- whatever the weather. That's what makes weather meaningful.

Group circle time is best when it's kept short and relevant. It's great for singing songs, hearing stories and puppet shows and sharing news together. Counting is naturally integrated in many songs and stories ("Five little ducks went out to play" "Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed"). That's the kind of counting that kids care about. Keeping group circle time short and sweet is important. The rest of the time kids will be busy learning on their own - engaged in meaningful play.

I know calendars are an entrenched tradition in classrooms for 3-5 year-olds, but it's time to question that. What's the point?

So chuck the calendars. Monday can wait. We need to respect that kids have better things to do.

What's your take? Why do you think The Calendar is so prevalent in today's classrooms? What would be more relevant to kids?

Interested? Read more about renegade parenting and ideas to transform families and classrooms.