One of the most bothersome questions I heard when I was young was: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" It's an age-old question, but not that useful. When you're 3 or 6 or 10, the vague, faraway, grown-up future is too remote. What's more relevant is: Who are you now?

That's why I love the holiday of Halloween. It may have its origins in spooks and spirits, but for young kids it's about dressing up. Costumes are key to a child's heart because costumes are about identity. Current identity.

A costume lets kids become their dream now.  Not some far off day in the future, but today. The world of dress-up lets children explore roles they admire, identities they want to try on, action figures that are exciting or powerful. A child may not want to grow up to become a skeleton or Darth Vader, but she wants to experience the power of being that figure. Kids may seek glamour by being a sparkly princess or become something that's impossible in real life - a kitten or a dragon.

What does it feel like to have wings? To be magic? To be able to scare adults? To dress like a real fire fighter?

For some young kids, Halloween takes place every day of the year. My five-year-old changes dress-up clothes often three times a day. One moment he's a pirate, the next a soldier or a mermaid. Dressing up is essential play for exploring interests and identity.

Every preschool classroom and childcare program needs dress-up clothes on hand. Every home with young kids needs a stock of dress-up props, even old shirts and hats. These are props for exploring self.

As Bev Bos says, "Kids never fail because of a lack of intelligence. Kids fail -- human beings fail -- because they don't develop a sense of self."

We need to make room for the costume part of Halloween all year.

As you prepare for Halloween, remember how much costumes reflect identity. Take time to ask children about their costumes and marvel about who they are. Who they are today, and every day, one at a time.

You can read more about children's need for power, props and imaginative play in chapters "Give Kids Power" and "Boys can wear Tutus" in It's OK Not To Share...And Other Renegade Rules.

What were some of your favorite costumes? Did your parents ever disapprove of a character you wanted to be? What do you think of your own child's dress-up choices?