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America has a knack for bullying.  It starts young – oh, so young – even before birth.  One of the most bullied groups of people in the US today is expectant mothers.  Book Review and Giveaway: The Business of Baby, by Jennifer Margulis (Scribner, 2013).

Jennifer Margulis’s new book The Business of Baby could really be titled Bullied at Birth.  She’s an investigative journalist and mother of four who’s written for The New York Times.  Even though I thought I was fairly educated about the Birth Profit Machine in the US, Jennifer’s book surprised me.

• Did you know hospitals sell your baby’s foreskin if he’s circumcised?  The foreskin is prized for skin-care products.
• A First Bath in the hospital is bad for baby. Newborns need their protective vernix coating.
• Most US babies are now born Monday-Friday during convenient daytime hours.

My first-born was hospital born.  My second was a home birth.  What a difference in night and day!  I deeply understand the message in Jennifer’s book.

Unfortunately, many first-time parents – the ones who need this information the most – may not be ready to hear the message delivered by The Business of Baby.  That's why the cycle of bullying continues.

Sometimes – like me and the author herself – you have to experience childbirth before you understand the intense pressures pregnant women endure.  I know I never would have guessed that nurses would thrust free diaper bags at me emblazoned with infant formula company brands (even after I insisted I would breast-feed), or that my doctor would say, “My shift ends at 8pm, let’s just get things moving by breaking your waters.”

Author Jennifer Margulis - photo by Bryon Devore

Luckily I said no. Once you say yes, the “Cascade of Intervention” begins, as Jennifer wisely points out.  Soon you’re strapped to a bed with tubes of Pitocin and talk of “emergency” Ceasareans.  I still remember what I said when my doctor suggested “speeding things up.”  It was September.  “I have nothing to do until January,” I told him.

Expecting a baby is a vulnerable time.  Parents-to-be are filled with hopes, fears and naiveté combined with authority figures hovering around.  The Business of Baby is a well-researched wake-up call to the business of US pregnancy, birth and infant care.  It’s an excellent resource for nurse practitioners, midwives, ob/gyns, doulas and grandparents as well as expecting parents.

In fact, I agree whole-heartedly with this review by Library Journal: “Not just for parents to ponder.”

I hope people who teach childbirth classes get their hands on this book.  Perhaps childbirth instructors are best positioned to be the ones who open the eyes of parents-to-be.

Did you ever feel bullied or pressured during pregnancy or labor?  What shocks you about modern birth?  Leave a comment, send me an email or sign up to subscribe to this blog and you’ll be entered to win a FREE copy of this beautiful hardback book fresh off the press.

Date for free book drawing: Wednesday, May 22, 2013, 5pm Eastern time.

Ohio Outstanding Teacher of the Year for 2013 - my lovely mother

All books have an inspiration.  Mine was my mother.  She's worked 40 years at a remarkable preschool in Columbus, Ohio where they truly believe in free play.  When I say truly, I mean they go so far as to give three and four-year-olds boxing gloves and allow them to wrestle and roughhouse in the classroom.  The original title of my book was Boxing at Preschool (published as It's OK Not to Share).  Of course, I dedicated it to her.

This Mother’s Day I’m honoring and celebrating my mother.

I've always known she was a marvel when it comes to children.  Inside our own family and community we knew it.  Now she's being recognized for it statewide.  Last week my mother was awarded Outstanding Teacher of the Year for preschool in the state of Ohio.  Flowers, banquet, portrait, pewter trophy and scrapbook of all the lovely nomination letters people wrote explaining how she changed their lives.

In her award speech, my mother (who loves spending a day with three-year-olds, but hates public speaking) made a strong plea for PLAY in children's lives.  I'd like to share part of her speech with you that earned her two standing ovations:

Thank you to everyone involved.  I am most grateful.  I was completely surprised by the announcement that I was the winner because I didn’t even know that I had been nominated.

This award is especially meaningful because it honors a school I’ve devoted my life to --- the School for Young Children and its play-based philosophy.

At the School for Young Children we know that kids need time and space for free play without teachers telling them what to do.  That wrestling matches in the classroom are OK.  That boys can wear princess dresses.  That kids can paint their arms and feet purple.  This type of play helps kids develop socially and emotionally.  That’s the core of our preschool program, and it has remained strong for the past 43 years, despite many national swings of the pendulum.

The School for Young Children was started in 1969 by two forward-thinking women.  It has made a profound  difference in my life.  When I first encountered the preschool I was a struggling new parent.  I felt uncomfortable with my children’s feelings, unless they were happy.  I soaked up knowledge from mentors at the School for Young Children, became a teacher, and stayed.

Forty years later, I am still learning.

I feel so lucky to have found this very supportive and loving community of teachers and parents.  Both my son and daughter attended the preschool and they are here tonight. Both my children are writers, and my daughter felt so strongly about the School for Young Children that she wrote the book It’s OK Not to Share, which summarizes its philosophy.

There are a lot of expectations that pressure young children these days.  When in doubt, trust your own instincts, trust your children’s play ideas, and Let Kids Play!     Thank you.

What’s lovely is that, besides putting Free Play front-and-center, my mother admitted that she’d started out mothering with lots of good intentions but not much knowledge.

That’s where we all start.  With love and good intentions.  But we need more.

I wrote my book for parents like my mother when she was young.  It shares the accumulated wisdom of 75 early childhood professionals.  Knowledge of child development, advice from wise souls, and trusting your own parental instincts will make life much brighter.

Happy Mother’s Day to one and all!

Have you been touched by a special mother or teacher?  Who has smoothed your way? Who would you nominate for a special Mother’s Day award?

Yes, it matters what books young kids read.

When I learned my 10-year-old neighbor was reading The Hunger Games, my jaw dropped.  Really?  Already?  The words aren't hard. It's the topic.  Children killing other children in a complex moral/ political tale that's meant for teenagers.

But now I realize I was naive. It's not just 10-year-olds who are reading The Hunger Games, it's 8 and 9-year-olds, too.  Teenage lit. has become the cool thing to read in elementary school.

Young Adult books (called "YA" in the publishing world), have long been known as crossover books. That's because the topics and adventures in Young Adult books appeal to adults, too.  Some say 50% of the readers are adults.  It appears that YA books are truly crossing over - to young children.

Many adults I know refuse to read The Hunger Games.  I got a headache when I read it, the story is that intense.  The book is a fantastic read -- for the right audience.

On one hand, I believe kids should be able to read whatever interests them.  I'm disturbed young kids are reading a book like this.  I'm also disturbed when elementary aged kids read the entire Harry Potter series.  The first few books are childlike, but the last ones were intended for teenage readers and deal with deeper evil and betrayal. Here's why it disturbs me:

• They don't get it.  Young kids can't grasp what the book's about.  Their moral, emotional and reasoning skills aren't there yet.
• It's a waste.  Good books deserve to be introduced at the right age.  When a child reads a great book too young (or too old) it falls flat.
• They're missing other great books.  The shelves are full of fantastic books for elementary-aged kids.  This is an incredibly rich age for children's literature and childhood is simply too short to read all the good ones.  These kids won't enjoy these books later -- the time is now.  Reading big teenage books instead is an opportunity cost.
• We're upping the ante.  If an intense book like The Hunger Games becomes standard fare for elementary readers, how will they go up from there?  What will shock them or make them wrestle with high moral issues as teens?

Sure, elementary kids can read big, teen books, but Young Adult books these days are extremely "edgy."  As caring adults we need to stand by these young readers.  Guide kids to age-appropriate books - incredible stories they will adore - and be prepared to stand by and support them if they get in over their heads.

Do you believe in guided reading?  Did you ever read a book 'too young' or 'too old?'  What disturbs you about teenage books in the hands of children?