“You must know that there is nothing higher and stronger and more wholesome for life in the future than some good memory, especially a memory preserved from childhood, of home. People talk to you a great deal about education. But some good, sacred memory preserved from childhood–that is perhaps the best education. For if a man has only one good memory left in his heart, even that may keep him from evil…And if he carries many such memories with him into life, he is safe for the end of his days.”
~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky, from The Brothers Karamazov
This is the season of presents, but it needs to be the season of presence. Our children benefit from the surprise and joy of a few well-chosen gifts, but most of all they benefit from the memories we help them build.
My most cherished seasonal memories are the carol singing parties my parents began hosting when I was very small. We gathered more people than could properly fit in our house and sang for hours around the piano. Sometimes the living room would hold 70. Young kids would fall asleep and go home to bed. Stalwart singers branched into Czech, Polish, German, French and Latin carols and kept singing until midnight.
When my son was three, we started hosting our own carol singing party. Our living room is even a tighter squeeze, but we still can fit 35 people sharing joy through music. It’s safe to say it’s always the highlight of the season.
My children are building memories. Already they play “carol party” and sing from songbooks to each other (my youngest one sometimes holding the book upside down). I’ll bet this is what they’ll think of years in the future. Someday they may host the third generation of carol parties.
On the other hand, too many toys can be a burden to children. They get overwhelmed. Their rooms get cluttered. The joy of surprise that a gift brings is something to be treasured, not overdone. We need to share time with our children–our presence– more than we need to find one more toy.
Parenting is many things. One of the most important is building memories. Memories of shared experience, of presence, of joy.
So what do you think? Does Dostoyevsky’s line about memory versus education ring true? How do you focus on creating presence in daily life or at the holidays?
