New book to help sibling struggles. Book giveaway!
When people heard I was writing a sequel, they begged me to write about siblings. Sibling fights and hard feelings seem to be a near-universal struggle for families. Luckily, there are good resources out there, including Faber and Mazlish's classic Siblings Without Rivalry and now Dr. Laura Markham's new book showing you how to raise siblings who can be friends for life.
Dr. Laura's first book, Peaceful Parent, Happy Child, focuses on emotional understanding - both for the parent and the child. Her new sibling book is called Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life. Today I'm partnering up with Dr. Laura to offer a free book giveaway of her new book - AND - sharing a free audio recording of an interview between the two of us.
In case you're wondering, I met Dr. Laura at a recent conference for preschool teachers and parents in sunny Silicone Valley. We both had a great time at the conference, aptly called "Unplug & Play."
Here's what I like about Dr. Laura's new book -
It gives sibling advice for parents of older kids as well as parents with new babies. Whatever stage you're in when it comes to siblings, there's a section just for you.
Dr. Laura understands that emotions are at the heart of sibling behavior. Sometimes our own parental emotions are involved, too. We have the power to stabilize family harmony or feed the flames.
It covers all the common sibling battles - from who gets to push the elevator button to kids who say "I hate my brother/sister."
Dr. Laura is one more voice who promotes renegade sharing - turn taking, and trusting children to know when they're done with a toy. In fact, she even devotes a chapter to the "It's OK Not to Share" philosophy and calls me a radical. What's not to like?
Dr. Laura's book comes out May 5. It's available for pre-order now. The advantage of pre-ordering is you get a bonus gift of her audio course, Peaceful Parenting.
Audio Recording - Interview with Dr. Laura and Heather
Listen to this 30-minute interview recorded just for you! Dr. Laura Markham and Heather Shumaker share wisdom on conflict, feelings and siblings.
Ready to enter the book giveaway? Share your sibling experience or just enter a comment. (The winning name will be selected on April 23, 2015 at noon EDT using a random number generator.) The book giveaway is now over. You can still pre-order or order the book anytime.
Find out how radical real sharing is.
New book to help sibling struggles. Book giveaway!
I would love this book! Heather's book has already helped us so much with parenting and navigating our kids' feelings and behaviours, and their sibling relationship, and I would love to add that with Dr. Laura's new book!
Thanks, Sarah. So glad it's helpful to your family.
My girls are 2.5 years apart. They adore each other but are intensely competitive, usually for our attention. I want to do everything I can to strengthen their bond for the long run! Can't wait to read Dr. Markham's book!!
I work as a direct support worker and share the same beliefs as Dr. Laura. Our training through work follows Dr. Gordon Neufeld's philosophy. It all really comes down to attachment. I am the oldest sibling of four and have 2 kids (one adult and one toddler). I would love to have this book as a resource for the families I work with.
Love the aha parenting sight! Great info!
Really need this book! Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids changed my life. I've got 2 boys (3 and 5), and sometimes it feels like I've got 2 little monsters instead. Haha!
Love Dr. Laura and I need this book. My kids are 4, 2 and 6 months. The older 2 are constantly at each other's throats, and often physically hurt each other. I look forward to reading her advice on this.
Love Dr. Laura's advice! The emails show up in my inbox and give me a little mommy boost every week. Our busy lives don't allow a lot of time for critical reflection on how we nurture our kids, so it is so wonderful to have her there supporting us. My daughters are pretty good friends, but at times they are in each others' faces... and since my hubby and I both had siblings of the other gender, I'd love to have more information about how to foster a great sister relationship!
Wow! This is exactly what we need right now. I have 4 boys who fight so much sometimes I worry that they will never grow up to love one another! This is honestly the number 1 biggest problem in our home right now.
I have three sons in 5 years. Love that they're close in age. However, I'm an only child with little to no clue about sibling dynamics. I would've loved having a sister or brother ... can't understand how some people don't see the value in their sibling relationships.
Very interested! I have two boys 3 and 5 yrs and a 7 month old girl. Would love some strategies to help the boys through their conflicts and also to help me with my eldest when he gets really difficult!
Everyday I am in the throes of constant sibling arguments. I have Dr. Laura's other peaceful parenting book and would love this one to add to my collection!
I loved Dr. Markham's first book and all of her newsletters, and now that both of my children are mobile and verbal, this book comes at just the right time. They're fighting constantly!
I have two boys and would love to nurture a loving relationship as they grow.
love dr Laura! My girls love each other but then seem to fight more when I am around. I need advice! Can't wait for this book to come out!
Dr.Laura's site, e-mails and book have been invaluable for our family.
I would love a copy of this book. I am the single mother by choice of 6 year old twins (boy/girl) who are sometimes absolutely inseparable and sometimes really sick of each other!
LW
I've been a longtime fan of Dr. Laura and her wonderful, peaceful parenting advice. My kids are 22 months apart and the bickering and fighting has recently intensified. Dr. Laura's book couldn't come at a better time!
Looking forward to this book. I have 4 children, 11, 6 and 4 year old twins. Twins have been challenging on sibling rivalry. Can't wait to read!
Thank you!
What an amazing conference, Unplug and Play was. It has inspired me to make so many changes with my parenting. I love that you and Dr. Laura Markham were able to have this meeting of the minds as a result of the conference! I would lover her sibling book because I have two kids, one that is almost 3 and one almost 8. There is such a big age gap between them that it's hard sometimes for them to connect. I love some strategies to help them enhance their relationship.
So glad we could all meet there, Thuan!
I'm the blessed mama of 3 beautiful girls who love each other immensely but who fight passionately. I myself have a sister who was my bestie growing up, but not as adults 🙁 This book would be a wonderful resource in facilitating a strong lasting bond for my girls.
I have a full sibling and a half sibling; both relationships have always seemed broken in different ways. I don't want to make the same mistakes our parents did. I enjoyed Siblings Without Rivalry and am curious to read this book on the same topic.
Slightly different take: I have an autistic son and typical daughter. While the battles are not fun, I am grateful for at least some engagement between the two. I'd be interested in this book if it offers advice I can implement in my situation. I would really like my kids to grow up friends since it appears my son will need an advocate after my husband and I can expect to be around...but that's a lot of pressure to put on my six year old daughter. If this book doesn't offer that, be interested in your or Dr. Laura's recommendations for one that does.
Thanks for bringing this up, Cari. So many aspects of sibling dynamics. I'll post what I learn from Dr. Laura about your question. From my knowledge of sibling books and special needs, there are several picture books explaining "why my sister's different" and some how-to books for adult siblings on navigating care for a sibling with special needs. This doesn't really address what you're getting at. Sounds as if there may be a gap that needs addressing.
Cari,
I wish I had a perfect book to recommend. I suspect it has yet to be written, by the parent of a child on the spectrum. I will say that I have seen many kids on the spectrum who have been parented as I recommend in this book, and they do respond to it and develop a more positive relationship. So while you will have to work harder to connect and to motivate your son to want to work things out with his sister, this approach will definitely help.
I also want to share this note I received the other day from the mom of a boy with Autism:
Hi Dr. Laura... I am so grateful to have found your site when my son was 2 years old. Your advice was essentially what I had done with him since he was a baby and then when, at 2 he started to have some challenging behaviors I started getting advice that he needed more "consequences" and just needed to learn and follow directions, that he needed "time outs" etc. I knew deep down in my heart that my son was a "cranky" baby and was now showing challenging behaviors because something in world just wasn't right, not because of a lack of limits or "consequences". Finding your site gave me permission, courage and tools to parent him the way I knew he needed to be parented despite all the advice I was getting. Fast forward a few years and we now know that my son has a rare speech disorder called Childhood Apraxia of Speech, Autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing challenges. My heart knew he didn't need punishment and I am beyond grateful for the tools you gave me to help him navigate his world, which is clearly a very difficult and different world from the one you and I are in. I am now immersed in a world of therapists and even more advice, some helpful, some not, but I always fall back on your teachings. Your lessons and words provide the underpinnings of how I approach everything with my son. Some days it feels like an impossible task to keep calm but then I remember how overwhelming his world must be. Not everything you advise works perfectly for us because of some of his challenges but parenting him with love and compassion has fostered in him a sense of confidence in spite of his challenges. He is a loving, sweet, sensitive little man but it takes time and real connection to see just how sensitive he is and how much he wants to connect. I really wanted to reach out because maybe there are other special needs parents out there wondering...but he/she has (fill in the blank), will this work...the resounding answer for us has been YES! I feel like because empathy is hard for him, because connection is hard for him, because he struggles in social situations that it is EVEN MORE important that we set loving limits and TEACH him about emotions and about how to be connected and how to express love. I don't know where we would be without you. I can't wait to read your book on siblings. We also have a beautiful 21 month old little girl who is happy and sweet and just filled with empathy and love. Thank you so much for all you do."
This mom does not address the sibling issues, but you can see that this kind of parenting will work with your son.
Blessings,
Dr. Laura Markham
I haven't read wither book yet, but would be so greatful for a copy. I have a 1 year old and 3 year old and the feeds are increasing along with my loosing my temper more often. I don't like raising Mt voice at all bc I know it simply causes more stress. Would live a copy!! Pick Me
I would love to win this book!
I was an only child, so raising 3 kids has been interesting. I would love this to help with the daily battles! It's so important to me that they love and nurture each other because I won't always be here for them.
Yes, being an only child and then navigating sibling interactions - so many parents share this with you.
Thank you - so excited to hear you two together. Love It's Ok Not to Share and love my Aha! Parenting newsletters. Great tips.
Thanks, Cori! So glad to hear it.
Awesome !
I hope to learn ways to encourage my kids to be more cooperative with each other.
Yes please. I find it hard as my son a always bends to appease his sister who is 4 years younger.
How do I teach her to love her sister and not simultaneously smack her sister over the head with a book, doll, truck, shoe, etc. that's what we're currently working on over here 🙂
I could really use this book. My girls (9 and almost 4) constantly battle and I am at my wits end. I am a single mom Thanks!!! 🙂
constant battle between my 5 and 2 year old this book will help me loads
Having had only one son for 15 years I never thought I would need to read a book on parenting. I now realise how much I need one ! I now have a 7 year old girl and 9 year old boy and Its a totally different ball game and I am older so need all the help I can get ! Many thanks
Liked the interview and would love to win a book!
I am expecting my second child soon and I would love this book so we can get started off on the right foot in facilitating a great sibling relationship between my boys who will be about four years apart.
I would love this book. I have number two on the way and a very high needs number one 🙂
Pick me! Pick me! ....wait now I sound like my little tiny boys! I would love a copy of the book! I want my two boys to be able to create & sustain a loving relationship. It would mean the world to me. I want to know when my husband and I are gone they will always have each other.
We live on a farm in South Africa with two of our children 2 yr old boy and 3 month girl. My husband and I practice Vipassana meditation so it was natural for us to be drawn towards compassionate communication. The arrival of our children deepened this aspiration. Today, my heart leaps with joy when I see my son showering his sister with kisses and love. But sometimes he pinches her and hits her and the agony, anxiety and fear that rises within me when he does that is calmed through remembering that his actions are communicating his feelings and needs, deep gratitude to Dr Laura's book Calm Parents, Happy Kids. I remember how I danced like a child when the book arrived after I had bought it as my birthday gift last year Nov. I had waited three months for it (SA postal services were rioting) and I had surrendered that I might never see it. Yet it arrived and we are all loving it, we are turning our aspiration of living a peaceful, loving and connected life into an everyday reality. Our son now will say "I hit baba because I am angry" and I now have the wisdom to hold him and love him whilst guiding him towards being the naturally caring being that he is!!
Thanks for sharing your story, Zanele.
I have two boys and I think this book would be a blessing to our family!!
I so need this book for my sanity!
I need this book! My sons are 4 and 2. My husband and I are not very young so we really want them to be friends for life so that they can help each other after we pass away.
Yes please!
Great advice and really works...when you use it!
Sounds like an important book! My sons are only 3 and 9months but still important info. Love her blog:)
That book is just what I need, right when I need it.
I just finished reading Siblings without Rivalry for the first time, and I'm itching to get my hands on more tools for sibling harmony!
I would love to receive this book, I struggle to know how to deal with my children's constant fights and jealousy in a loving, constructive way.
I hope I win! I have a deep desire to help foster a close bond between our children!!
One of THE best parenting tips I was given when I was expecting my second son, was that when there was a conflict, to remind my boys (ages 5 and 7) that they love each other, and that being kind and patient is part of that -- to focus their energy on love. That has been a great help!
Yours and Dr. Markham's advice have provided invaluable scripts and new perspectives on how to teach and model that love! Thank you!
Congratulations, Grace! You've won the book! Best wishes and happy reading.
I loved her first book and am looking forward to the sibling book!!
I loved her first book and am looking forward to the sibling book!!!
My brother and I were all each one of had to rely on. After the death of my father, my mom lost it and was institutionalized for a bit. I had to grow up really fast and watch out for us. My brother had a speech impediment and b/c of that, the school stuck him in Special Ed. He didn't need that and was academically average and above average when it came to engineering/electronics. He was picked on every day, so we had to look out for each other. Of course siblings have good and bad times in getting along with each other, but we knew we were each others shoulder to cry on. Today we are very close and I am so proud of the man (brother, husband, father, veteran) that he has become. Proud of you Robert Lepak Jr.
I would love this book! My kids are 16, 8, and 4. They have such sweet moments sometimes but I am so surprised how they fight and I am due for a new approach and understanding.
I loved Dr. Markham's first book, Peaceful Parent... Would love to have similar tools for working through tough spots with my kids so that they continue to enjoy, love and protect each other as they get older.
I can't seem to stay consistent in my parenting ways....I could use some help!
I have an 8 year old daughter and a 7 year old son who get along fairly well most of the time. I struggle with their insistence on things being "even"; the same amount of time spent doing activities, being allowed the same privileges, etc. It always seems like a fight to stay even. I want them to understand that each one of them with have different experiences because they are individuals. I worry that we grouped them as a pair too often when they were younger, and now it's a fight that we inadvertently created.
Can't wait to apply what I learn with my children of 7,5, and 3 years!
My sister is five+ years older than me. I mostly remember admiring her constantly and wanting to replicate her every move in childhood, and her fiercely recoiling from every effort. We have since become close friends in adulthood (after not speaking to each other for six months as a result of trying to travel in foreign countries together for two weeks, me in my late teens and her in her early 20s), and one memory stands out from my junior high years:
One day she offered to put makeup on me. (shock… and elation!) After what I remember being ages and so many brushes and applicators, she showed me a mirror… and… I looked exactly as I did when we started? Yes, in the midst of all that show, she had put as close as possible to no makeup on me really. And she told me it was because, "you're beautiful, just the way you are."
Please, don't start believing we actually had an amazing relationship as children! I think I remember that moment because it was the only time she ever said anything nice to me (until adulthood and years after me prodded to find the weak spots in her armor where I can poke humor and love in!).
I share this because it gives me hope! Focus on love, because it really is there even though siblings push each others' buttons.
Thank you, Heather, for hosting a day of Dr. Markham's blog tour. Dr. Laura, your book has come out not a moment too soon. The strategies from your blog and first book give me an important element of hope and the tools to stay there with my husband and three children (8, 5.5 and 3). Thank you both for doing what you do!
We have 6 children, aged 8, 10, 16, 19, 22, & 27. So far the oldest 4 are all very close, but our youngest 2 get along like baking soda and vinegar. I don't know why, but obviously what we've always done isn't working with those two. :p
I have two kids almost 5 and 2. Dr Laura's emails keep me going every day. A book on siblings would be a great addition.
I would love to win this contest!
This looks like a wonderful book. My girls are 16, 12, 7 and 4. You would think after 4 kids I would know what I am doing but I am still learning every day. As a homeschooling mom , I long for my kids to get along and for us to have a home filled with peace:)
i grew up as an identical twin with lots of emotional suppression from our parents. Would love this book to teach me how to raise my 2 little ones better.
Such an important topic as sibling rivalry can cause so many psychological wounds. And whatever the tone of the book, it must be awesome with a chapter about not sharing!
Really liked "Peaceful Parent Happy Child" and looking forward to your new book! Really look forward to all the articles on your website too.
I grew up with a lot of sibling conflict. We didn't get along at all, and I don't want that for my children. I want my children to be close from the start and to not wait until they're adults to start talking to each other (like I did with my siblings).
I have been trying to follow AHA Parenting principles, but have a 3 and 4yo who like to push each others' buttons. Can't wait to read this book!
Yep, it's a big issue in our household too - the whole sibling getting along thing. I'm always on the look out for new ways to improve the relationships in our household - after all, we only get one shot at this parenting malarkey. I would love a copy of this book. It looks fab!
I am excited for this book! I have an 8 year old and 4 year old who fight constantly it seems. My 8 year old can be so mean and hurtful to her little sister, which makes my 4 year old react by hitting or screaming or sometimes just breaking down in tears. 🙁 Then they make up and play nicely for a millisecond, and before I even have time to enjoy the peace they go right back to fighting. I need some new techniques because obviously what I've been trying isn't working!
Could really use this book! I have 2 girls 5 and 9 and boy 20 months. The girls are constantly fighting over everything.
I would love to win this book, as we are at the relative beginning of the sibling relationship with my two daughters, aged 3.5 and 11 months!
siblings should be friends for life. sounds like a great book!
Would love to get advice from this book to help my children (9 boy, 7 boy, 4 girl, 3 boy, 10wk boy) to get on better and really value and appreciate their siblings. So they can be a support to each other when my hubby and I are long gone.
This will be very relevant when our next baby arrives so we have a smooth start. Thank you!
I have two sons and I´d love to get some help handling their fights...
I´m looking forward to this book and would love to win it.
Would love to win this book. I have 2 daughters (7 and 9) who are very close, best of friends but also rivals at times.
Loved the soundbites about Dr. Laura Markham's new book: parents need to regulate their emotions first in order to cope with our children's emotions and conflicts - definitely struck a chord with me
Thank you so much for this! I have not read either book but they are both on my list now 🙂 The last bit really hit home which is the good experiences outweighing the bad. Our brains are hard wired to remember the bad so that we do not go back and do it again. To hard wire a good experience we need to really be with it for 30 seconds. So I ask my daughters to really feel into their bodies and I will count to 30 so that experience is now in their memory. As a Craniosacral therapist I am helping my clients learn to regulate but it is so much harder to regulate when you are in it with two little girls who are having big emotions!
Thank you both so much.
Heather, you are such an inspiration 😉 Literally the day after the Unplug & Play Conference in San Jose, inspired by you, we met at a local creek and created a "free play in nature" group... an now the group is growing and growing! It is amazing to see what hours of unstructured play time in nature, child directed and child led can do... it even helps siblings deepen their relationship... my kids (age 4 and 9) are fighting way less at home now 😉
Irene, Wow. Your note made my heart glow. So fantastic to hear you've created a "Free Play in Nature" group. The best of both worlds! Enjoy the time outdoors together - I'm not surprised to hear the benefits already showing. What a wonderful new venture. All my best, Heather
What a treat !!
I just heard Dr. Laura at a conference. I would love to read her book.
I love Dr Laura Markham's advice and would love to own this new book of hers.
Dr. Laura's first book transformed my parenting and changed the way I see my children's behavior. I have 4 children (10, 8, 6, 3) with way too much arguing, fighting, teasing, and tattling. This book is just what I need! Thanks! 🙂
I've read many of Dr. Markham's books/articles, and appreciate her insights as I parent my 3 young kiddos!
It seems as if all our three Littles do is battle and I'm less a Mom, more a referee. I love Dr. Laura's first book and emails, and I'm sure her newest book will be every bit as helpful!
I'd love to get my hands on this book.
I have a 3 year old boy and an 18mth old girl who are awesome kids except they don't get along (yet). Little sister wants to play with big brother's toys and follows him everywhere which annoys him so he often pushes her over or hits her. I have tried to implement some of Dr Markham's strategies from her website already and my son actually told me the other day that he doesn't want 'baby' in the house, so I know that he's struggling to have to share me with her. It's sometimes hard not to lose your cool when there are two shrieking little people in your face but reading Dr Markham's weekly emails always puts me back on track.
This book would give us great direction for our 3 toddlers. I feel like I keep chasing all the resources I should have had knowledge in years ago. I would love to start building good memories between them. To guide the peacefully.
Would like to get recommendation from this book to assist my kids (9 boy, 7 boy, 4 girl, 3 boy, 10wk boy) to urge on higher and extremely worth and appreciate their siblings. so that they will be a support to every alternative once my married man and that i ar long gone.
I would love to win this book! Thanks so much for offering it! I have a 3-year old and a new one on the way...
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