Simple Hellos

Do the words we say leave room for other emotions?

When I talk about raising children, people often ask me about manners, particularly greetings. As we think about what's truly polite, it's good to step back and examine how we greet people ourselves.

Last week I flew out to a funeral. I wasn't feeling like smiling, and on that particular day I know there were many people in transit who were also traveling for sad reasons. Yet this is what greeted me: "Have a Nice Day!" "Have a Great Day!" "Hi, How are you?"

These standard greetings have long bothered me. They don't leave any room for emotions other than good cheer and happiness.

Good greetings do not carry the expectation of universal happiness. A simple "Hello" or "Good morning," "Goodbye" or "Thank you" is much more polite, especially between acquaintances and strangers. People who are currently unhappy still have to answer the telephone and make trips to the grocery store, post office, gas station, airport or library. When I was mourning a miscarriage, store clerks and strangers on the street said "Have a Great Day!" and "Smile, it can't be that bad."

The people we meet may be struggling. They may be living with death, divorce, job stress, a recent diagnosis, depression, a friend with a serious illness or a child with special needs. A simple and open-ended "Hello," "Thank you" or "Goodbye" is often best.

When I talk to parents about helping kids cope with wild emotions, I often ask the audience a question: How many of YOU had all your emotions accepted when you were growing up? Hardly a hand ever goes up. These greetings are just one more symptom of our collective desire for constant happiness. We need to make room for the full range of human emotions.

The next time you greet someone - friend, acquaintance or stranger - try reaching out with a simple "Hello."