At least fictional characters can ride the train alone. Can we make room for solo adventures in real life?
Part of my research for my next book involves train travel, so I've been querying train companies in England. Today I received an email with a highly satisfying answer: yes, kids can ride the train without an adult.
As the polite customer service person advised me, it's good to consider whether the child is comfortable riding alone, and responsible enough to get off at the right stop. The train crew would be "more than happy to assist."
Hallelujah. As every writer and reader of children's fiction knows, the first major plot task is to Get Rid of the Parents. Why? So children are free to have their own adventures (and solve their own problems). That's why so many heroines and heroes in children's fiction are orphans. From an author's viewpoint, it's downright convenient. It's also getting harder in modern fiction to realistically ditch the parents. Adult supervision is everywhere.
Although my book-in-progress has magic in it (ghosts), everything else is realistic. It wouldn't do to have my child heroes riding Amtrak into their adventure -- Amtrak won't let them. If I aged my characters to become teenagers, they could potentially ride Amtrak - but only on certain routes, if they are tagged as unaccompanied minors, put through a personal interview by station staff, and declared not to be allergic to peanuts. What a stark contrast.
We can all learn a lesson from the Get Rid of the Parents motto in children's fiction, and the sensible British train policy of letting kids travel solo if the family thinks the kids are comfortable and ready. When we step to the side, kids can experience their own lives and adventures.
And safety? Safety comes from understanding and participating in the world, not being overly sheltered from it. It's up to us to judge risk appropriately. The most dangerous thing most of us do is put our children in a car.
Kids in books and in real life thrive on challenges of independence. Life worth living has risk at every age.
What were your early independent adventures? What risks do you need to take now?
My parents put me, my sister, and my aunt (also our age) on a train from Minneapolis to Milwaukee to visit our great grandparents' farm in Elkhorn, WI. My sister and aunt were 9, I was 8 at the time. We were so-o-o-o scared to be leaving our parents, but had a great time on the farm, and came back much more confident (I presume- don't remember a lot of the details of that trip). Back in the 60s we didn't have Amtrak, just the Milwaukee Road or whatever that particular railroad was named.
Of course, I don't know if it took a lot of negotiation by our parents to let us travel alone, but we were met by the great grandparents in Milwaukee, so there was no chance of us getting into trouble unless we got off the train before Milwaukee, which we weren't eager to do since we figured our only chance of survival was to trust these relatives we barely remembered from their last visit, maybe when we were 4 or 5.
Other than that, we had pretty much free range of town once we got old enough to ride a bike, tell time, and understood bus schedules. It wasn't unusual to ride bikes into Minneapolis to swim at one of the lakes or play miniature golf, or take the bus downtown to watch "BIlly Jack" 4 straight shows at the movie theater.
That freedom was one of the best memories of my childhood, and I mourn that loss of adventure and freedom that today's kids have. I think its huge for building independence and self-confidence.
Chris
Love the story of your train journey! Can't do that with cars... It's trips like that that really create memories - the independence of it is something that can only be experienced first hand. Hooray for the 'Milwaukee Road.'
"When we step to the side, kids can experience their own lives and adventures."
I respect your words of wisdom. My parents were huge advocates of this mindset. One small example is them putting my sister and I on an airplane in San Diego and flying us to our aunt and uncle in Chicago. We'd have a blast with them while mom and dad were making their way across county in the car. Then we'd have a family road trip back again. It was a win-win situation!
Bet your parents enjoyed the peace and quiet of the long car drive, too! Definitely a win-win. Love your story.
This is interesting, Heather. I've been thinking a lot about the fact that so many children characters in classic books are orphans or away from their parents—because of a vacation or some other circumstance. I agree that it's important to let children (fictional and real!) have their own adventures (parent-free). But I must admit that some of my favorite scenes from The Penderwicks (our recent favorite books) are the interactions between parents/adults and children. There is a lot of wisdom in the way these relationships are developed. The children struggle with certain aspects of their parents/adults, of course, but readers also feel very assured that the father, in particular, has a deep respect, admiration, and love for his daughters. And this love buoys the main characters throughout their darkest moments.
So, I'm striving for that balance in my stories: creating children characters who have the freedom necessary to have proper adventures while also nurturing their relationships with wise adults.
I've just been reading the Penderwicks myself! Lovely books. In these books, adults function to give the kids a good cornerstone of comfort and strength, but if you look at them, parents are still fairly absent. The mother is dead. The father is kindly but often lost in his own world walking in the woods looking at botanical specimens. The oldest girl basically raises the 4-year-old. In the third book the parents are completely gone and the kids are entrusted to an aunt (who conveniently sprains her ankle and is therefore out of commission).
I do think your point about adults respecting kids and being there for them in their darkest moments is extremely important. In fiction and real life. Like Mr. Penderwick, or Dumbledore in Harry Potter, kids can turn to wise adults they respect in times of need and know they will be listened to.
I never traveled like that as a child, but had a lot of freedom to roam the neighborhood. Rode our bikes or walked to friends, local store to buy candy. Took the bus to the mall to shop or see movies. I now live in NYC and try to give my 6 year old age appropriate independence whenever possible.
Trips to the candy store are just as important. Glad you experienced that freedom yourself and are finding ways to give that gift to your 6-year-old. It's amazing to realize how much independence kids used to have, even in NYC ("A Tree Grows in Brooklyn...").
I was pretty protected as a kid. I do remember the landmark day when I was allowed to walk to the corner candy store with only my friends. My mom did make us go the long way -- to the end of the block where there was a stop sign, instead of jaywalking kiddie-corner. I also remember my first ten-speed and the freedom it afforded. Both were probably when I was 9-10ish. As a parent, I'm sometimes frustrated by the rules that limit our ability to incrementally expose our kids to independence, and thus build the self-confidence it requires to handle it. When my son was five, I started allowing him to go upstairs at the library by himself, either via stairs or elevator, while I took the other route and met him there. Turned out what I thought was a controlled lesson was violating library policy. Ironic, as one of my favorite kids' books, no doubt available in that library, is Mop Top, about a six-year-old whose mom lets him go get his very own haircut --across vacant lots, no less!